I look back at the past several postings and think, my, what a happy family! What cute kids, what a perfect looking life! Which means that I am not doing my job very well because I had intended this blog to be a real-life snapshot of our life. And the real life at the moment is not as pretty as the pictures suggest.
I am currently on night five of 4 or less hours of sleep and night two of less than two solid hours due to sick children. I am in the midst of major negotiations at work and have been working weekends, early and late in between fussy children and a horrifically messy house. I myself have come down with the same bug as the children and feel terrible. And the icing on the cake is that Nick is gone.
I am not fishing for sympathy or looking for pity, but simply sharing the cold hard facts. I have had more than one friend accuse me of being superwoman lately and really, that couldn't be further from the truth. I shout at my children, I lock doors and cry, I have moments of resentment, I sometimes want to crawl to a quiet cave all by myself. More often than not over the past three weeks I am functioning on part adrenaline and part auto-drive and nine times out of ten you will find me operating from my head and not my heart. (Which is a terrible way to raise children, by the way, but with any hope this is temporary).
Tomorrow morning I was supposed to be on a plane to NYC to meet Nick and some dear friends from London for a long-planned 30th birthday trip. Instead I am going to spend my days in a boardroom (not the airlines kind) and on the phone, fretting about my babies and trying to get my work done before the nanny has to leave, getting home and doing more from there. This was to be the first major trip away from our children for Nick and I. A much-needed reconnection of the most valuable relationship (because without us, the children wouldn't be, Nick reminds me and he is right). But, as with many things (a clean house, a well cooked meal, meaningful connections with friends and family), it will have to be postponed.
And ultimately, we chose this life. A wise person defined adventure as including risk, the unknown, and potential. Both Nick and I signed up for an adventurous life together. Which means this is all part of the process.
Wish us luck.
xx
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Thank you Jenna for making life real! I love your blog, the beautiful stories about your family, Nick, the children, and your successes and challenges. As a working mother, trying to "do it all," is not always roses and wine... well maybe wine late at night in that cave you mentioned. ;)
ReplyDeleteSome day you and your children will look back on these stories, your history, and your honesty and understand what love, connection, and family really mean. Thank you for this window into your life... We love it and live to read the next entry. Keep up the magic!
Lots of Love,
Aunt Jan